Wednesday, 3 August 2011

Lies

For some reason, I never wrote my life on the blog.



I'm still convinced that my life isn't interesting enough to garner a regular following.












Hm. I can't sleep again. Maybe I can, just that it's at the wrong time. I close my eyes, and think of all the things left undone. And then abruptly get up again. 
Is it my fault? 
I'm constantly thinking on how ugly I look, how absurdly bad my results are, How I'm always wasting time, and how I'll never be good enough to win praise from anybody. 
How everything I do seem so insignificant and unimportant that I am the bystander in my own show. 


No one seems to remember who I am. No one seems to remember what I did. No one will even thank me for the things I did. 


I don't like the spotlight. I'm not qualified to have one on me to start with. I'm just a girl who tried her best at everything and nothing seems to be working out for her. 


There's been a lot of studying, writing, redoing, rereading, and throwing paper planes to vent my frustration. 


My friends. They're there, just that they can't be there, 24/7 for me. Even though they may be there for me, I can't always pester them like nobody's business. It's wrong of me to spring up on them like that. 
I don't want to weigh down on anybody. It's wrong, it's rude, and it's inconsiderate. 


My friends come to me with their problems, and I listen to them to understand. Who's willing to sit down and listen to me? 
Nobody. I'm too minor a person to bother about. 


I'm tired. I'm weighed down by everything, I feel haplessly full, and I just want to let go. 


No one's going to catch me. You don't have to act anymore. 


Nobody liked me to begin with

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